Monday, June 30, 2008

Menopause Class

I seem to be entering that wonderful time in a young (ish) woman's life when marvellous and mysterious changes are happening to my body.

Hot flashes and other things we don't need to discuss.  And, y'know?  It's another point along the way where I feel slightly had.

I thought that once you got through puberty, that that was it.  Your life was set and it would mostly be more of the same till you die.  Ha!

I also bought into the whole "Once you're through your twenties, life just gets easier and less confusing."  Double ha!  But that's a whole post in itself.

But back to the menopause.  For the first round of marvellous and mysterious changes, we had Health Class. 

Shouldn't the same thing be available for the middle-aged?

Women could come with their life partners.  I think we'd all be a bit jealous of the lesbian couples - they'd be so supportive of each other. 

Those of us dragging men-folk along would find ourselves abandoned at the door.  The guys would sit in the back row, giggling and punching each other.  Occasionally, a chorus of "Ewwwww!!!" would be heard....

What?  Your grade-school health class wasn't like that?

Mine was.  Mine totally was.  On second thought, maybe I'll just go get a book.

9 comments:

Magpie said...

My grade school health class was segregated. Boys got one talk, girls got another.

driftwood shack said...

Oh now I know just what you mean! No one warns you about the life time of hair removal ahead of you, and that soon enough ( probably in your thirty's) certain body bits will ache when you get up till you go to sleep and each pregnancy will add more syndromes and all men end up with hairy ears and noses! After all this I'm definately not looking in the mirror today!

Dumdad said...

It was the American writer Elbert Hubbard who famously said:
"Life is just one damn thing after another."

And Edna St. Vincent Millay who countered with:
"Life isn't one damn thing after another. It's the same damn thing again and again."

C'est la vie!

Barb McMahon said...

Magpie - did you ever wonder what the boys were actually told?

Driftwood - oh dear, oh dear!

And dumdad - I think I agree with Edna on this one!

Thanks, all for stopping in!

Juliet said...

I've been wondering what the boys *are* actually told. My son's 11. The school doctor (who happens, embarrasingly, to be my son's uncle) came in for a long session with the whole class and then another long session with just the boys. One of my son's friends threw up and then fainted. Naturally, after my boy had a chance to absorb all the fascinating new info which had been imparted, his dad and I both asked him (separately) if there was anything at all that he wanted to ask us about. No, thanks, everything was completely clear, thanks. A fortnight later, while I was accompanying him on the piano as he practised his violin, he suddenly said 'Mum, what's Masturbation and how exactly do you do it?' I'm afraid that my well-practised, never-be-embarrassed-by-anything-the-kids-ask-about-sex principles completely deserted me. I turned red and fled from the room, muttering 'ask your father'!!!

And as for the menopause stuff, I'm just amazed at how many bits and pieces can sag so much in so short a space of time. The mirror reveals new horrors every single day!

Millie said...

I'm with you girl! With 5 sons in their mid-late twenties + husband, I expect no support once this menopause thing happens.
The menopause fairy is still looking for my address, as at 52 nothing is happening, but I'm sure she's circling as I write this!
Millie ^_^

Barb McMahon said...

And now that you've left a comment here, Millie, she's sure to find you...

Juliet, thank you for that! I laughed myself to sleep last night.

That poor boy! And any future girlfriends he may eventually have(the one who threw up and passed out, not your son)!

As for being open and honest with the kids - my father-in-law was driving his young grandson somewhere when, out of the blue, the boy asked, "Grampa? Have you ever had sex?"

Dad nearly drove off the road.

Of course, he'd never made any kind of promises to be open about anything...

margaret atkinson said...

These comments are all gold, Barb! I find this time to be horrifying and not unlike puberty...it was like it sneaked up from behind and caught me off guard...no fair!!!! But it sure helps to know I'm not the only one, however cheesy that may sound.

Barb McMahon said...

So NOT the only one!