Saturday, July 25, 2009

The Secret Language of Presents

Why am I writing about gift-giving in the middle of the summer?  Well, I heard the phrase "Christmas in July" and it got me thinking.  And since I can never find the posts I bank, I figured I'd just send this out now. 

I need to learn to file better.  Anyway, bookmark this page.  You'll thank me in about six months.  If you can find it again...

I'm sure you all realize that gifts have a hidden, secret language all their own.  This is why 'The Festive Season' inspires such angst.  And why so many couples hate it soooo much.  Singles, now you have something to feel really smug about.

Couples, you now have this handy list to help you decode things.  I give you: Gifts and What They Really Mean

SEXY LINGERIE/TOYS/PORN: I'm crap at gift-giving, but I hope you won't let that stand in the way of continuing our sex life.

BOARD GAMES: I feel socially awkward around your friends, but with this I hope to avoid a huge fight that could lead to you refusing to have sex with me.

ELECTRIC MIXER/POWER TOOLS: I view you as a caring, nurturing, capable human being, well able to look after my sexual needs.

BOOKS: I feel so comfortable with you and happy in our slothful existence that the thought of lying around in our tattered bathrobes, littering the bed with cookie crumbs does nothing to diminish my enthusiasm for having sex with you.

LEAF BLOWER: The sex part? Is over.

As I said.  It's a complete minefield.  But at least you've got five months to plan your strategy.

No comments: