OK, all of you, listen up.
I've been handing out a lot of resumes and one of these days, I'm going to be called in for an interview. We need to get some things sorted out beforehand.
A job interview is a serious thing. I need you all to pull together and BEHAVE.
No more making me look like a) Bozo the Clown, 2)Herman Munster or c) Anne Murray (especially, for the love of God, not c!), all of which you have successfully attempted since last we spoke.
Now, I know we agreed that if you all behaved for me on my wedding day (and you did! I haven't had to burn hardly any of those pictures), I would make no more demands of you.
But when we made that agreement, I had no idea what kind of mayhem you would get up to in the ensuing twenty-five years.
Believe me, the good will is all used up.
I need you all to work with me on this. I'm even willing to make a concession - make me look good, or at least, NORMAL, when we're out in public and you can do whatever you like on days I'm at home writing. OK?
And you lot in the back? That keep standing up, peering to the far horizon, no matter how much product I use on you?
WHATEVER IT IS YOU'RE LOOKING FOR DOES NOT EXIST!
Do we have an agreement?
ETA: Oh, that's IT! I'm getting the Nair!